Sanctum
by SkyChild
Summary: It was supposed to be easy. Just another one of those twin pranks, a plan for a new game, decided on by Hikaru and Kaoru through eye contact. And that was where things went wrong... [twins, nonyaoi]


**Title: Sanctum**

Fandom: Ouran High School Host Club

Pairing: twins (no yaoi)

---

Dedicated to Kandis P

_Author's Note:_ English's not my native tongue, so there are probably heaps upon heaps of mistakes in this story. If you find any, tell me, please!

Ouran is the first fandom to inspire me to three (!) fanfics in two weeks, definitely a first, and while the other two aren't finished yet, I'm definitely hooked… bear with me!

Have fun!. 

---

_We don't need // Anything // Or anyone_

_If I lay here // If I just lay here // Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

_Snow Patrol, "Chasing Cars"_

---

It was supposed to be easy. Just another one of those twin pranks, a plan for a new game, decided on by Hikaru and Kaoru through eye contact and the certain knowledge that the other was thinking exactly the same as you.

And that was where things went wrong. Because you can never think as one once you _aren't_ one anymore… can you?

Hahuri's refusal to let the Host Club visit her at home had actually delighted Hikaru. _Finally _something interesting had come up! And while Haruhi was mentally cursing the twins' low attention span that equalled a butterfly's, he flashed a look over to his brother, seeing the glitter in his eyes.

You in it, man? 

Sure. Got a plan? 

Just play along! 

All that they were able communicate by merely looking at each other.

They'd never have guessed that this means of communication would stop working, as soon as it wasn't singularly "them" in their world anymore…

---

Even so, things started out easy enough.

"If I had to say", Haruhi said thoughtfully, tapping one finger against her chin while searching for words to answer their customer's question, "Hikaru's actions are one level meaner than Kaoru's."

For an instant, Kaoru was paralyzed, words fleeing him, as this amazing girl, this smart commoner, did what none had ever been able to do before with ease.

It was so simple – it was so simple after all! Hikaru was the more forward, more daring, more direct one, Kaoru was the calmer one, watching, pondering.

"Hikaru's actions are one level meaner than Kaoru's"… that single sentence perfectly captured the twins' natures, what they were, what told them apart.

And Haruhi had realized it.

The sheer absurdity of the situation, the sheer surprise, it all made Kaoru's mind ring with confusing feelings and thoughts, demanding to be understood, and unable to digest what all of this meant right now, he did the first thing he could think of – he laughed, gasping out a "sorry" to his brother.

Yet, even though he hadn't been able to stifle the laughter bubbling out of him, Kaoru had known right away that something was amiss.

He'd sensed his brother trembling slightly in a mixture of astonishment, anger and disbelief, would've sensed it even if they hadn't been standing so close to each other, and it surprised him. While Hikaru _was_ more emotional and hot-headed than him, he was a wonderful actor as well, and those shivers he felt coming from his sibling were definitely outside of his control. For this to happen during one of their acts…

Kaoru didn't quite understand why his twin would be so upset over something like that… and that was upsetting him, in turn.

So far, however, he played along, followed with ease as his brother displayed anger and aggression towards him, rose to the bait of fighting. Yet Hikaru's face was too tight, his eyes too serious, the golden orbs weren't talking to Kaoru anymore… and that disturbed the younger twin immensely.

Reeling back in not-so-fake anymore shock, Kaoru gasped: "Don't just be saying whatever you want. I'm the one that has to deal with your selfishness all the time."

"I may be the one that brought this up, but you're the one that's digging a deeper hole. Don't like it? Then stop. Are you stupid or something?" Hikaru yelled harshly, staring into Kaoru's eyes as if he meant it, and before the younger twin could stop it, a thought came forward, unbidden: what, if this wasn't just a game after all?

---

For one moment, he was thunderstruck.

It was like being caught skipping class.

It was like being caught red-handed at playing a prank.

It was like being caught by his brother when he was staring at him, lost in thought, simply enjoying watching the way he moved, talked, acted…

Only a lot more serious. A lot more… painful.

True, they'd both despised being mistaken for one another all the time. Despised being "the twins" instead of Hikaru and Kaoru. Despised being asked out on dates by girls who couldn't care less which one of the famous, handsome Hitachiin twins they got to go out with.

Yet at the same time, with some kind of martyr feeling, they'd come to terms with that, had actually prided themselves in needing none but the other, in being able to trick relatives, teachers and classmates alike, in having their very own world none but them could enter.

Yet… someone had. Someone had cracked open the rusty lock to their secret garden with ease, with commoner wisdom and brown eyes that never gave away just how much their owner knew…

And Hikaru felt suddenly, helplessly scared. How could Kaoru laugh at that just like this?

Humans can't live in darkness. If they don't understand something, they fear it. And if they fear it, they come to hate it. This hatred, in Hikaru's case, wasn't really directed at anyone, wasn't all that clearly pronounced, was more of a helpless frustration which made way to anger. Anger was much easier to deal with than fear…

He stuck to their plan, initiated a fight, however, his mind wasn't with it at all. Instead, his thoughts kept racing… How can she know? 

None has ever… 

How can she tell who's who, as if it was nothing? 

A rush of possessiveness caused him to grit his teeth even further, golden eyes darkening even more.

We are the only ones knowing who's who! None will ever know Kaoru except me, and none will ever know me except Kaoru! 

Lost in his desperate anger, Hikaru didn't even realise how his brother was watching him with eagle eyes, watching out for any reaction, any sign, and he certainly didn't realise the effect his grim expression was having on his brother.

Unconsciously, he put all his pent-up frustration, fear and anger into their act, their "fight", realizing only after the words had slipped off his tongue that he was going personal, private, was going… too far? "I've had it with you already! Always sneaking into my bed, that's very annoying"

---

And that was the moment he read the doubt in his brother's eyes. The tiny flash of hesitation, of uncertainty, was too clear to be mistaken for something else… Kaoru, his twin, was actually… doubting him…?

_No!_

That couldn't be! How could his brother not trust him?? Didn't they understand each other blindly?

Why he got so angry over that, why he'd gotten so upset over Haruhi's words in the first place, Hikaru couldn't explain, not even to himself.

Yet, he was upset, and it wasn't in his nature to try and reign himself in, that was Kaoru's task, but his brother seemed to play along, looking equally hurt and angry…

"Who's the one with the bad sleeping form and always falling off of the bed?"

"Erotic imp!"

"Pervert!"  
And in the end, without really wanting to say it: "At least I'm better than you! I'm not talking to you anymore!"

The deed was done, the damage caused. They just didn't know how severe it was. Yet.

---

After club, both brothers stomped off toward their family's limousine waiting to take them home, as every day.

They weren't talking, which wasn't so everyday.

And neither of them was looking at the other, which wasn't everyday at all.

It should've ended by now. 

The act's over. 

So why can't we go back to normal? 

Whose thoughts it were, didn't matter, since they were both thinking along the same lines anyway. Yet somehow, neither of them could find the strength to break the silence that'd fallen between them.

What was there to say anyway, Hikaru wondered. That he was sorry? That he forgave? What for?

Nothing had really happened. Yet something had. Something that had made his brother doubt him.

---

It wasn't until bedtime that the twins seemed to finally recover.

How they'd survived the afternoon, neither talking nor looking at the other, each silently doing their homework and keeping themselves busy with this and that, Kaoru couldn't tell.

Yet somehow they had, here they were, and sleeping in the same bed without having resolved this wasn't an option.

So Kaoru did what he mostly did – he gave in.

Even though he was completely clueless as to what he wanted to say, what to do, how to make up for something he didn't even know what it was, he flopped down next to his brother on the window sill, where Hikaru was staring out into the night silently.

This, at least, earned him a brief look from his brother, even if he couldn't read his expression at all. He hated it. With a passion.

"Hikaru…"

"Hm?"

Kaoru rolled his eyes at his brother's eloquence, then anger quickly followed. Couldn't Hikaru at least look at him, do something to make this easier? What the hell had he done for his brother to totally ignore him all day??

The younger twin was hurt, confused, had no idea what to do, and after how they'd been all day, he frankly couldn't muster the strength to be the wiser, calmer one he usually was.

"Damn, Hikaru…!" The forceful whisper finally made Hikaru turn fully to look at his brother. Kaoru was trembling by now, staring at his clenched fists, hating this feeling of helplessness more than anything. It made Hikaru's heart ache, and all his dark thoughts, all his doubts were suddenly absolutely unimportant.

He'd made his brother sad.

Damn… He leaned toward his sibling, trying to catch his eyes. "Kaoru…" came the whispered reply, a question, an answer, whatever it was. "What happened to us? What happened today?"

Kaoru shrugged, looking up, feeling a rush of relief at the fact that his twin was at least talking to him again. "No idea. But I sure know I hate it."

"Me, too…" Hikaru hung his head, pressing a hand to his temple, sighing in frustration. "Listen, Kaoru, I know I…" He looked up again, desperately searching his brother's face. "Can't we just…"

At that, Kaoru's face softened, Hikaru saw how he bit his lip, his wide eyes suspiciously wet, and that was all the answer he needed.

Cautiously, he leaned forward, his motion being mirrored by his sibling.

They touched, hesitantly, shyly, as if not knowing whether the other would allow it. Yet touch they did, their hands brushed against each other, their fingers interlaced, and as he felt his twin leaning his head against his neck, Hikaru let his arms come around the shivering body, sighing with quiet pleasure. He hadn't known he could miss touching his brother so much, miss feeling him next to him, feeling the constant, warm strength that was Kaoru. Only now did he realise how much he'd hurt all day from staying away, from drawing away from his sibling.

"You really thought today wasn't a game?" he whispered, shifting closer, feeling his brother's hands trail over his back.

"At some point, I wasn't sure anymore…" Kaoru admitted quietly. "I just… didn't understand you. Why did you…?"

"No idea." Even now. Even now he couldn't explain why he'd snapped like that, what about Haruhi's words had angered him so much. "Sorry if I scared you…"

It was none's fault really, and still, they'd both hurt from it.

"It's alright. I actually expected something like that to happen one day…" Kaoru's voice was too distant for his liking, plus, this time it was he who didn't understand.

Hikaru really wished he could see his brother's face right now, but it was still pressed to his neck. That voice scared him. "Kaoru… what are you talking about??"

He almost felt the sad smile that accompanied Kaoru's answer. "It's no longer just the two of us."

"Bullshit!" Hikaru objected forcefully, shaking his head. "We're still who we are, we're still together!"

Yet somehow this only seemed to make Kaoru draw back into himself even more.

Being the more farsighted of the brothers, he realised exactly what was happening.

He knew they'd never be able to fix the tears in the walls around their shared, lonely paradise. Instead, the ruins of those walls fell to settle as roads, leading from the centre of their world to the outside. And they fell to settle between them, ever so slowly, almost unnoticeably.

He, however, didn't voice his thoughts. He'd always been the one with the liking for metaphors. His brother probably wouldn't understand,

A bitter smile grazed his lips, unseen by Hikaru, as his face was hidden deeply within his sibling's red hair. Yes, there'd always been things they didn't understand about each other.

It'd just never made any difference.

Now it would.

Hikaru felt his twin burying his face even more in his hair, felt his grip tighten to the point of being painful, fingers clawing at his back. He held on just as tightly, probably bruising his brother's shoulders with his grip.

It hurt both of them, but id didn't matter. The pain meant they were still together. Still close.

As long as they were able to inflict pain on each other, they hadn't lost yet.

**--**-

After a while, it was Hikaru who moved away first, giving his brother a small, but very real smile. "I'm… sorry…" he breathed, closing his eyes and leaning his forehead against that of his twin. Kaoru's closeness, his warmth and scent were intoxicating, he yearned for it, needed it badly to soothe his hurting emotions… yet he knew that he'd hurt Kaoru in turn, without ever meaning it, and that he owed him at least an explanation.

"Me, too." Warm, soft hands were on his face, and his eyes snapped open, only to half-close once more at the longed-for, gentle contact. It was comforting, relaxing, the way those long fingers caressed his cheeks, brushing over his eyelids, tracing the line of his eyebrows to the bridge of his nose, down to the lips, following their outlines, and he breathed a kiss to his brother's fingertips, letting his arms wind loosely around the slender waist in front of him, revelling in the pure warmth, the familiar feeling of Kaoru, his other half since birth.

Watching the younger one through half-closed eyes, watching the expression of wonder, of love on his face, soft in the warm light the small lamp on the nightstand was spreading, a profound sense of peace settled over Hikaru.

Here, in this small circle of warm light, so close to his brother, it was only their shared world, their togetherness, and the feeling that nothing could ever tear them apart.

Yet, there were still the lingering traces of hurt on Kaoru's face, and Hikaru remembered he still owed him an explanation.

"I was…" The older twin wasn't really surprised to hear those words leave Kaoru's mouth the second he spoke them himself. Both smiling slightly, they let their foreheads touch. "…scared", they completed the sentence in unison.

And as they looked into each other's eyes this time, once more, they understood each other perfectly.

Understood what they had been afraid of, what they both had feared to the point of questioning each other, now, that they had been… discovered. Now, that they'd found someone who could tell them apart.

Not being able to hide behind the other anymore.

Having to act as individuals once they had been revealed as such.

Having to stand up for themselves on their own.

Not being able to be together anymore.

Their fear wasn't all that clearly pronounced, was more a reaction to an unknown situation, but they shared it anyway. They… felt the same. Just like they'd always done.

Always…

Kaoru gave a little yelp at being pulled harshly into Hikaru's embrace, at being almost crushed to his twin's chest, at his brother nearly burying himself into his other half.

The fear of losing this warmth, this love, made Hikaru possessive, and despite him being the older and, seemingly, dominant one in this relationship, he now needed his brother to comfort him, to soothe him, and Kaoru did so without fail – hugging him tightly, stroking his back, whispering soothing words into his ear, pressing small kisses to his forehead.

How he had missed it…

They just sat together for a while, leaning against the other, touching, seeking and finding comfort in one another.

Again, it was Hikaru who broke the silence. "You know…"

"Mh?" Kaoru looked up at his brother's quiet words, only to find himself being watched from eyes so similar to his own, sparkling with tenderness and love.

"You know", Hikaru repeated, "we can't let Haruhi win. Not after all this trouble."

"You mean we should continue this game? This fight?" Even though he wasn't really too keen on keeping up something that'd hurt them both, Kaoru right now couldn't care less. Not, when his brother's hands were cupping his face, thumps caressing his cheek bones, and he closed his eyes with a relaxed sigh.

"Yeah. Let's see how far we can take this before she gives up. It should be _interesting_…"

Kaoru smiled slightly, eyes still closed, leaning slightly against his twin. Hikaru just knew which buttons to press. "Alright. Let's think of something in the morning, alright? I'm too tired to think straight right now…"

The older one watched his brother's face, indeed showing faint lines of exhaustion, for a moment, then his worried expression shifted to one of tenderness. Kaoru was so cute when he was sleepy… even Hunny-senpai couldn't compare to that.

Hikaru gathered Kaoru in his arms and pulled his unresisting sibling to his legs. "Come on, let's get you to bed." His brother just nodded, tiredness suddenly too heavy on his limbs to do more than that. He let Hikaru half lead, half carry him over to the bed. A bemused chuckle brought his consciousness a few steps back from the promising darkness. "What?!" he asked, too weary to really be annoyed, and opened his eyes once more, only to find his twin tugging at his collar gently.

"At least take off your clothes before you fall asleep on me", Hikaru said with a smile, enjoying the sudden change in their position – usually it was Kaoru who took care of Hikaru's well-being, but it felt… nice to be caring one right now, especially since in this moment, he needed their closeness just as much as Kaoru probably did.

After watching his brother wrestle with his pants for a few minutes, Hikaru decided to at least take mercy with him with the shirt.

Kaoru sighed, gladly handing control over to his sibling.

It was so hard to focus on taking off his clothes… it was so hard to focus on anything at all, except maybe his brother's warmth so close to him. Kaoru doubted he could feel any more exhausted than he did right now. Today had drained him mentally as well as emotionally – it had been their first fight, after all, even if it was, really, just an act.

After Hikaru was done slipping the shirt off his unresisting brother, he gently tugged the sheets around his sibling who was half-asleep already, smiling, then moving to get up to change as well… however, he hadn't planned on Kaoru's reaction.

The moment the older one rose from the bed, golden eyes snapped open, and Hikaru felt a sudden, iron grip around his wrist, keeping him from moving away any further.

"Kaoru…?" Startled, he turned back to his brother, taken aback by the intensity of the naked fear in his twin's widened eyes, by the desperation that'd taken over him, torn him back from the edges of sleep the moment he'd felt his brother move away… If Hikaru hadn't had understood already just how much today's events had shaken his sibling – now it'd have been obvious.

The younger one saw the alarm on his brother's face and let go at once, drawing back slightly, feeling embarrassed at his unconscious display of need just now. "Sorry, Hikaru… I just…" He shouldn't make it this hard on his twin, really.

However, Hikaru had understood. And so he quickly undressed and slipped under the covers next to his upset twin, drawing him into his arms as soon as he hit the mattress. "Kaoru," he murmured softly while winding his arms around his brother, feeling him reciprocate the action, feeling his twin relax. Gently, Hikaru carded his fingers through his sibling's hair, using the soothing motion to calm and comfort him. After a while, he was rewarded by the warm breath on his neck deepening to a sigh, then slowing a bit and evening out.

"Kaoru", Hikaru repeated, "you should know we'll never be apart." He felt fingers curl behind his back, felt a little 'huff' near his collarbone, felt the answering nod. He even thought he detected a sleepy "…never ever." from his twin, who wasn't able to resist the drowsiness any longer.

"Good night, Kao-chan", he whispered, pulling him a bit closer in this tangle of limbs and sheets, closing his eyes as well.

And right before following his exhausted twin into the blessed oblivion of sleep, safe in their shared embrace and the knowledge of their bond, Hikaru mused that, maybe, being caught wasn't that scary at all.

He never knew that, seconds after he'd closed his eyes, Kaoru's ones opened slightly. Fighting sleep for a few more moments, he silently watched his brother's relaxed face with an unreadable expression on his face.

Then he, too, gave in to the leaden heaviness of exhaustion begging for relief.

---

Haruhi probably never really knew how strong the impact of her innocent, clever words had been.

And the twins, at that time, probably didn't know they'd, one day, thank her for that.

Just as they didn't know that their game had long since been pointless with the other members of the Host Club.

If you got to know them, there was no way you could mistake one for the other, really.

Whether you told them so or not.

_A__n end that might be a beginning…_

**---**

**Author's Foot Notes**: Care to tell me what you think? Would be great!

(translation: come on, leave me a review! You know you want to!!)


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